Just for you to know
Feb. 14th, 2005 12:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gin_tonic"Just for you to know" is the title of this short text (or better: rough draft). It came to my mind just now and I wanted to share it with you. ^_^ I didn't re-read it, though.
Just for you to know
I know you for years now and since the first day we met a lot has changed. Most important: I have changed. I grew, I became an adult. I'm more mature now. And you, you're not the little boy with the green hair, coloured still from carnival. You're not tracing my steps, trying to harass me with my crush on you. But in fact, this is the thing that hasn't changed all over the years. Sure, there were other boys, I felt attracted to. And sure, most of them treated me a lot better than you did. For a long while you were nearly forgotten and the only thought that occurred my mind, when I was near you, were 'Look over here! Here I am and I'm gorgeous. And not yours.' Have you ever really recognised me? Do you recognised me as the girl with the glasses, somewhat looking strange, having a crush on you, the blond joker? I don't know. I've changed, like I said. I'm good looking now. People told me. Admired my but and stuff. Wanted to touch me. Kiss me. But I'm not that gracious.
Then we met again. We talked and I found out you actually weren't the asshole you thought you were. Everybody had told me, you were a prat. They told me, I was too good for you. That you would smoke joints. That you would have bad breath. Everything.
But then I discovered you were nice. And I watched you in class. And I found out I still thought you were hot.
You certainly know about this stain you have on your right incisor. I know about it, too. Maybe you don't find me attractive. Maybe I don't really want you. Maybe ... But what if it isn't that maybe? I know I shouldn't think about you. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Probably better for me. But I can't stop thinking about the day I woke from this dream I had about you. On this day I found myself shocked and I couldn't sort myself out all day, was so terribly confused. For this day on I knew my crush had survived a little.
But when people now ask me about you, I don't blush anymore. I don't have this idiotic grin on my face. What does this mean? Have I gotten over you? Accepted I would never be with you? Or have I grown more?
Maybe we could be friends. Just friends. That would be nice. I'm not sure if I would anything else from you, you know? Maybe being friends would be the best. You would still be in my life.
Just for you to know
I know you for years now and since the first day we met a lot has changed. Most important: I have changed. I grew, I became an adult. I'm more mature now. And you, you're not the little boy with the green hair, coloured still from carnival. You're not tracing my steps, trying to harass me with my crush on you. But in fact, this is the thing that hasn't changed all over the years. Sure, there were other boys, I felt attracted to. And sure, most of them treated me a lot better than you did. For a long while you were nearly forgotten and the only thought that occurred my mind, when I was near you, were 'Look over here! Here I am and I'm gorgeous. And not yours.' Have you ever really recognised me? Do you recognised me as the girl with the glasses, somewhat looking strange, having a crush on you, the blond joker? I don't know. I've changed, like I said. I'm good looking now. People told me. Admired my but and stuff. Wanted to touch me. Kiss me. But I'm not that gracious.
Then we met again. We talked and I found out you actually weren't the asshole you thought you were. Everybody had told me, you were a prat. They told me, I was too good for you. That you would smoke joints. That you would have bad breath. Everything.
But then I discovered you were nice. And I watched you in class. And I found out I still thought you were hot.
You certainly know about this stain you have on your right incisor. I know about it, too. Maybe you don't find me attractive. Maybe I don't really want you. Maybe ... But what if it isn't that maybe? I know I shouldn't think about you. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Probably better for me. But I can't stop thinking about the day I woke from this dream I had about you. On this day I found myself shocked and I couldn't sort myself out all day, was so terribly confused. For this day on I knew my crush had survived a little.
But when people now ask me about you, I don't blush anymore. I don't have this idiotic grin on my face. What does this mean? Have I gotten over you? Accepted I would never be with you? Or have I grown more?
Maybe we could be friends. Just friends. That would be nice. I'm not sure if I would anything else from you, you know? Maybe being friends would be the best. You would still be in my life.
